Fun For All The Family!

Good evening, all.

I have devised a game called "Hide the Pickle". Should anybody wish to play, here are the rules.

1. Hide the pickle.
2. Wash hands.
3. Pass the salt.
4. Pass the parcel.
5. Pass a kidney stone.
6. Pass 'Go'. Collect nowt.
7. Dance on your own face.
8. Apply wax to your gums & pretend to be Jimmy Saville.
9. Watch Xena: Warrior Princess for 3 hours & lick the fridge.
10. Find an Ordinance Survey map of Chesterfield, sprinkle with lemon juice and apply to affected area twice daily.

A good laze

Hmm...I'm sure my body clock is in a different time zone today. I usually get up at 8am (give or take half an hour) on weekdays but todayI was an hour late and as a result, could not be in the least bit arsed to go to My Place Of Study. I was expecting to have a good laze, but I suppose I'll have to get some tasks done instead, such as:

• Go to the bank to get another charge written-off. Bastards.
• Get to another job agency like the bum I am.
• Post some job application letters.
• Do some real work.
• Learn the bass to an album I am helping to record.
• Get the fucking Freeview box sorted out.
• Maybe do some gardening.

I can't help being poor.

Send your Doritos to the usual address.

Déja Vú?

Another interesting story on BBC news today:

"Girl Could Give Birth To Own Sibling"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6264082.stm

This is no great medical feat. In fact, it's been going on for years in places such as Texas, Louisiana and Birkenhead.

Blogger...

...is shite.

Just a quickie, but if anyone can inform me of a better blogging tool, Muchos Appreciatos all round.

Laters.

I bet they forget to breathe...

I'm not sure what it is about American geeks...

Perhaps the blood vessels in their brains are clogged with grease, or maybe years of being social outcasts have made them reject the education system all together?

One thing that I am sure connects them all is the fact that 99.999% of these sweaty pillow-humpers is that they are completely and utterly illiterate.

An example? I'm give you loads.

1) Unreal Tournament In-Game Chat

Firstly, I go on this game mainly to de-stress by shooting people in the knackers, whether they be male, female, teammates or Martian cows with sniper rifles. One thing that strikes me, apart from why people use the chat facility whilst shooting said people in aforementioned knackers, is why they cannot even grasp the simple concept of grammar.

e.g. "Haha. I killed you. You're rather shit at this, you know".

BECOMES

"Lolz ah pwned da n00bz ROTFLMAO silly n00bz dnt mess wid da l33t"

...

Poetry. NEXT EXAMPLE.

2) Self-Proclaimed 'Blog-Gods' Who Miss The Really Simple Things

I know, I'm a petty bastard. Nevertheless, the following words do not exist. Really.

Addicting

Poetery

N00b

Chris Evans

Fedded

Not exactly Stephen King, is it?

3) Children

I know that children by design are supposed to be ignorant and small, but seeing the words "All Poleese R Ourshols" scrawled all over a phone box make me wonder if we shouldn't stop at bringing back the cane, but start running schools like Mexican prisons. (Somebody suggested that this should include compulsory sodomy, but I maintain that this should be a forfeit option for detentions).

4) The Elderly

This has nothing to do with literacy. I just despise the majority of old bastards, mainly because they block supermarket aisles and stink of piss. 'nuff said, I think.

*sigh*

I needed that. It's been ages since I had a good rant.

Laters.

Trotsky Looks Like Patsy Kensit

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Milan Win Champions League

Bastards. Here's a piccie for ya's...

I hate MS Office...

Seriously...it's utter, utter wank.

I hate:

• Trying to insert a graph into Word
• The fact that Database makes absolutely NO sense to me
• Excel. It hurts my eyes and makes me want to stab
• Powerpoint, mainly because I have to use it so much
• Publisher isn't actually that bad
• Frontpage, because it takes so fuckin' long to download
• THAT. CUNTING. PAPERCLIP.

I'm not totally sure why I posted this, but I'm practising a bit of goal displacement. I should be working at the moment. I guess my poor brain needs a rest or something. Yeah, that's a good excuse. Means I can take 5 to have a fag in the garden.

Anyway, I am off again now. If anybody was wondering I am downloading Frontpage so I can try some interesting experiments, examples of which will be posted here ASAP*

In a bit.

*SAS-Speak for "In Three Weeks".

Revelation Of The Week

Badger has started drinking this:

He finds it lovely, but is not a mincer. As proof, here is an example of a mincer:

Normal service will resume once the liver is cleansed.